one word. EMO.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 8:03 PM
when does this feeling ever go away?
Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend & John Mayer at the 2007 grammys. watch out for the wicker guitar solo at the end...
you feel satisfied, for just a bit. you feel like you've conquered for a bit. and then something else just creeps up behind you and just engulfs you into the sense of insecurity and dissatisfaction. and just suddenly you feel like nothing you've ever done is good enough, or nothing that you do will ever be. it's just so tiring to keep trying and trying and never succeed. to keep being told that you're not good enough. to have to always start from scratch. to pick yourself up again. there's only so much failure one can take. there's only so much strength that you can channel.
all i'm asking for is just ONE thing. ONE thing that i can pat myself on the back and say 'hey, that was awesome!'. it sucks to be average. mediocracy is just not my cup of tea. it's just plain stupid to try so hard and only be average. its like maybe if i fell off the face of the earth, there would be nothing that i would be remembered by. nothing significant anyway. even if you sucked at something, at least people notice that you sucked. but being average, you just blend in. you just fade into the background. nothing average leaves a mark.
so where does that leave me?
THE HURT LOCKER
Sunday, April 19, 2009 11:01 PM
i wanna watch this movie! of cos along with many others... hahah!
good stuff
Friday, April 17, 2009 8:12 AM
Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend & John Mayer at the 2007 grammys. watch out for the wicker guitar solo at the end...
OMG! so cute!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 6:36 AM
haha! "who's you fav guitar player?" "john mayeh" (cos she can't prononuce the "r"). watch this kid, she may grow up to be an awesome guitar player for all you know!
rantings of a atychiphobic being
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 10:23 PM
i'm just sitting here wondering how i even made it to office today.
it seems like every morning after training, just the thought of going to work makes my head spin and throb. it's totally psychological i know but still. i've been trying to get more rest these days, sleeping in more, instead of the bus, catching a lift from desmond (who is so very kind) in the morning. but it seems i just keep getting more and more tired. i dream almost every night or every other night. and these dreams are so vivid i don't get much rest.
today, i woke from a dream so vivid i could feel every single thing, crawling under my skin. it was so close to reality. it's bugging me like hell, cos i can't figure out what the dream means and i just have this nagging feeling that it means something. then maybe i do know what it means but i just don't wanna admit it.
and there's the other thing where i am just sitting here staring at my phone everyday. waiting for SCDF to call. it's torturous, the feeling of not knowing. everyone keeps saying i'm gonna make it, and how they all take really long to get back to you, just be patient. but i just can't help thinking that once again i have failed. i googled it... and there's actually a term for fear of failure - atychiphobic.
it's just getting more and more difficult to get by each day.
i'm counting down. 39 days.