you feel satisfied, for just a bit. you feel like you've conquered for a bit. and then something else just creeps up behind you and just engulfs you into the sense of insecurity and dissatisfaction. and just suddenly you feel like nothing you've ever done is good enough, or nothing that you do will ever be. it's just so tiring to keep trying and trying and never succeed. to keep being told that you're not good enough. to have to always start from scratch. to pick yourself up again. there's only so much failure one can take. there's only so much strength that you can channel.
all i'm asking for is just ONE thing. ONE thing that i can pat myself on the back and say 'hey, that was awesome!'. it sucks to be average. mediocracy is just not my cup of tea. it's just plain stupid to try so hard and only be average. its like maybe if i fell off the face of the earth, there would be nothing that i would be remembered by. nothing significant anyway. even if you sucked at something, at least people notice that you sucked. but being average, you just blend in. you just fade into the background. nothing average leaves a mark.
so where does that leave me?