it seems like every morning after training, just the thought of going to work makes my head spin and throb. it's totally psychological i know but still. i've been trying to get more rest these days, sleeping in more, instead of the bus, catching a lift from desmond (who is so very kind) in the morning. but it seems i just keep getting more and more tired. i dream almost every night or every other night. and these dreams are so vivid i don't get much rest.
today, i woke from a dream so vivid i could feel every single thing, crawling under my skin. it was so close to reality. it's bugging me like hell, cos i can't figure out what the dream means and i just have this nagging feeling that it means something. then maybe i do know what it means but i just don't wanna admit it.
and there's the other thing where i am just sitting here staring at my phone everyday. waiting for SCDF to call. it's torturous, the feeling of not knowing. everyone keeps saying i'm gonna make it, and how they all take really long to get back to you, just be patient. but i just can't help thinking that once again i have failed. i googled it... and there's actually a term for fear of failure - atychiphobic.
it's just getting more and more difficult to get by each day.
i'm counting down. 39 days.